smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
