i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
