the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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