We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
