Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
