So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
