I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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