life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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