i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
