allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
