I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
