And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I want is dick and wine.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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