This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
