there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
