I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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