Ambien. No doubt about it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
