Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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