conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
