I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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