That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
