she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
