You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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