I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
