A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize