I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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