Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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