So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
