I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
