God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
