Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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