You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
