So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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