Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
