real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
