Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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