You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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