Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
