please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
