apparently the secret to your success is patron
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
