Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
