Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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