wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.