Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.