I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots