I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have already put on my inside pants.