I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dating After Heartbreak
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.