It's a beautiful day for a hangover
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
