I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
