She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
