no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
