dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
