He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
