I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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