i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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