Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. Iām going to keep him around a while
Randomize
