You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
