Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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