Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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