Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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