I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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