I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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