No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
