I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
