The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
