She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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